My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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