I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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