this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
