how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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