My liver just broke up with me...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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