it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize