we have officially lost it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
