the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
