Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
