i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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