Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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