Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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