I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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