Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
