True but thats because hes a fetus.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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