I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
