I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
