I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
