when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
