Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My balls are so social today.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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