I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
