shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
