I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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