dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
