how can u be prego again
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
