he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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