just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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