so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
