Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
