I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize