Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
