I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize