So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
