Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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