It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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