1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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