"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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