in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
