On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
