i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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