Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
