Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
