Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
