Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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