We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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