i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
