Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
