how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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