I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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