I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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