I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
