Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
