And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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