is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
