I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
