He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
