last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
