The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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