nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize