tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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