So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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