and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
