true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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