girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it glows. i had to have it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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