I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
