The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
