so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
