I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
