And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
