your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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