moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
