You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
