At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
