she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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