you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
