Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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