She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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