it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You can't special order awesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I touched a dick in church today
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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