My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
