how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
