so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
