Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
