Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
