I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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