hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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