We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize