He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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