he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
