Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
