I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
