I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
