Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
