I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
