he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize