But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My vagina just clenched in fear
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