Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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