You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
