Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
