do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
