am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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