babies were throwing up all over the place
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
