i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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