I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am spending my child support on dildos
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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