I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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