I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
