thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Randomize
