Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
