I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
