smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize