I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
