Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
